THE DRINKS PAGE

LET'S DRINK TO ABSENT FRIENDS!

At the risk of getting a tad mawkish and sentimental, my theme this time is absent friends, ie the people I've known here who have passed on to that 5-star penthouse in the sky - or in some cases that nasty dry cellar bar with the overly hot central heating.

This was prompted by a chat with a friend who came down from the hills to attend the funeral of Steve Williams, an affable Welshman with whom I caroused at Songkran but who killed himself only weeks later on his newly acquired big bike. I learned that at age 38 he had never ridden a bike or driven a car before - and hit a tree at 5.00am, roaring home after a big night on the town. We decided that this happened too much and usually to the wrong folk.

We started counting. It happened the same way to the pig-tailed male teacher from the British Council 2 years back and, in a car while sober, to Guy the pleasant Belgian computer expert. (None of the bikers mentioned herewith wore properly fastened helmets, by the by). Guy was tee-boned by a truck while the irascible American who made wheelchairs was tee-boned by a fellow motorcyclist dashing out of a soi in broad daylight. That's four.

A Hong Kong Brit and three Brit Brits (including Spotlight Bob) died after medication which may have been, shall we say, to standards less than those back home? People found dead in strange circs, maybe medical, maybe murder, included Ann the extrovert English teacher and the nice young European guy who ran a little tourist magazine. Aussie "Blue" died while test flying a microlight for the owner and was not the "crackpot farang inventor" portrayed by the Thai press. That's eleven.

We knew 2 Thai ladies who died of HIV/AIDS (one was a bar girl, one was happily married), Richard Lewis, the American teacher of Lamphun who was probably an early-age victim of cholesterol, and 2 extremely nice Thai air force men who died in the Cessna crash earlier this year. Makes it sixteen!

A "Freeman of the City of London", the popular Keith Tate, was shot, as was the German biker who let a drug deal go sour and was NOT a victim of road rage as reported at the time. Loud-mouthed fluency in Thai can be equally dangerous and English Mike of Mae Rim, beaten to death by 2 locals recently, is not sorely missed. Three nice old boys Amazingly died of old age, bringing the tally (at time of going to press) to 22 I've known in this small city in under 7 years. And we're still not sure about Kiwi Russell from Ban Taton, who went up to the hills for a party 2 years back and hasn't been seen since.

And if I'm next I want a plot in the Foreigners' Cemetery, because this is home, and I want you all to get drunk. The good guys must then go home by tuk tuk and the rest (and they know who they are!) should all race each other round the moat on enormous choppers!

* I like pool on good tables like those at December, Viking, Happy Bars and Rock Hard, even tough, unforgiving, tables like Poolside, but if you can be good on a real tricky one the game must surely be a cinch elsewhere? So get tricky and try PM Place, Australian Norm's guest house on the Thapae Place Hotel soi. It's a real nice Place all-round, in fact.

* Fancy running a small bar/restaurant with no cooking or staffing problems? Impossible? Go talk to Khun Soda at Fish 'N Chip Shop, who has a bright idea to offer shares in her top floor place recently vacated by Canadian Paul. Maybe a smart move for a first-timer in the business?

It's from clever folk with nothing better to do, and it's anagrams (so far, not a single reply to my request for palindromes!). Re-arrange the first set using every letter and adding nothing - and get a laugh or a shiver: George Bush - he bugs Gore; Evangelist - evil's agent; Desperation - a rope ends it; Slot Machines - cash lost in 'em; Mother-in-Law - woman Hitler; Snooze Alarms - alas no more Z's; Eleven Plus Two - twelve plus one.

BUT I DON’T GIVE A CLUCK!

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MISS SENGSON. I am a 35 year old Thai woman, 49kgs weight, 152cms tall and single. My interests are travel, cooking, reading and more (...).

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