THE DRINKS PAGE

"TAKE MORE WATER WITH IT!"

That's what a friend said the first time I settled into the very particular delight of a few drinks beside a river. As I was sober enough to see the joke, a geographic joke it must indeed have been.

The river in question happened to be Old Father Thames in the quaint little village of Londinium, and since then I've drunk alongside rivers the world over. It just seems a very natural and relaxing thing to do. Sitting imbibing beside an ocean in the evening is also special, but if that means here in Thailand I have to fly south I wouldn't want to stop until I got to Prachuabkirikhan, and try saying that with a skinfull!

So having flown east to Nong Khai and Laos last month (see wry remarks elsewhere this issue) I relished the re-visit to the Mekong Guest House, repository of happy memories and much smarter now, and looked forward to the opposite side of that wonderful waterway.

What a contrast! I'd heard that Vientiane had not yet discovered it's river but wasn't quite prepared for what I found. Almost nothing! A long inviting embankment, totally and utterly devoid of anything except an odd mix of a Chinese-style temple & theatre cum porcelain shop - and ONE brand new bar/restaurant without a name sign.

Happily the Beer Lao at the latter was as good and cheap as ever and the food the same. A lot like Thai but much less spicy. Met a man who said that the company with Riverbank Restaurant No 1 had negotiated a 30 year concession to open up the whole embankment, a "Golden Mile of attractions". I wished him well and almost bought shares. He certainly has no competition over there!

Phil did it!

English Phillip of Easy Diner fame, that is. Just a tad too late for last month's deadline, he clinched a deal with Kiwi Alan and bought Mango Tree Café, Loi Kroh. Predatory neighbours and a rascally landlord means that the diner in Rachadamnoen is no more. Maybe it's as well, as Phil and the team have their hands full with the Mango, ever busy and with the same terrific roast lamb on Sunday if my sample is anything to go by.

Joe does it a lot

It's always a good sign to see proprietors mingling with their fellows. Co-operation usually beats competition and makes for a happier lifestyle, sez I. So when American Joe of Hilltribe Café, Moon Muang, and compatriot Ron of The Fillmore East crop up in other places of refreshment it's a friendly scene. Both have excellent food of course, so there's no poaching of ideas going on. Pun intended.

"Miss Drunk" normally doesn't

See the boozing contest for women only? It happened in a Bangkok shopping mall last month, allegedly as a promotion for local wine and hootch. The advance hype said that contestants had to wear helmets in case they fell over (we must all follow that wise tip) and loose blouses for reasons which were, er, unspecified.

By contest day the organisers changed the blouses for traditional Thai dresses, to the disappointment of many intending spectators and dropped the helmets. The winner of "Miss Drunk" was the one who could drink the most in 20 minutes and still quickly walk a zig-zag course between - guess what - bottles of booze. Winner, with 500cc on board, was Arunothai Sri-aran, 36, who beat 13 other entrants. She didn't normally drink, she slurred afterwards, and felt only "a little hot inside, but not drunk, not dizzy." Guess that came later.

The Senate Committee on Women's Affairs got their knickers in a real old twist over this one and slammed it as a disgrace. But they missed a point: was the organiser a cynic or a Scotch lover? It took place on Teachers' Day!

Andy "Mau" won't any more

Drinking buddies and saloonkeeps mourn the passing of Andy "Mau" Reuch, a long term Chiangmai visitor from Scotland who died last month after falling out of bed at a guest house and hitting his head on the floor. Irascible yet warm hearted, Andy was known for over a decade as the only man who could weave cross Moon Muang Road without stopping or looking and get away with it.

Pat might

Pat Hewitt is a name that sounds like an ordinary English housewife - or maybe one of their TV soap actresses. In reality she's their current Secretary of Trade, but riding around on the Bangkok Skytrain, going to Boots the Chemists and trying for tax cuts on booze, well, she's quite a down to earth lady.

Thailand imports UK and other Euronations' scotch and spirits, plus ingredients which are 'finished' here and then exported. Some of these fine liquids are thus taxed twice in the Realm and Pat appealed to the Prime Minister to cut excise duties. Don't know what he thought, but she sure appeals to me! She also wants to lift the Thai ban on British beef and in exchange offered to help Thailand sell shrimp and chicken into the EU.

Go-Gogh is not goghn to

You've all heard of Vincent Van Gogh, but did you know about his less famous relatives? His dizzy aunt was Verti Gogh; the cousin who moved to Illinois

One bar, one tree. Vientiane's riverbank has far to go.

was Chica Gogh who had a magician uncle, Where Diddy-Gogh. Another cousin lived in Mexico, Amee Gogh with one north of the Border, Grin Gogh.

The real obnoxious brother was Please Gogh; the uncle who worked at a convenience store, Stop N.Gogh; the nephew that drove a stage coach, Wells Far Gogh; the aunt who loved ballroom dancing, Tan Gogh and his ornithologist uncle was Flamin Gogh His nephew was the Freudian psychoanalyst, E. Gogh with a his cousin who loved tropical fruits, Mang Gogh. His aunt who taught the power of positive thinking was of course Way Too Gogh and his bouncy young nephew Poe Gogh.

The total failure was the would-be composer Doraymee Solate Dogh, who was said to have had Van Gogh's ear for music. Last fall the boy who got into Formula One as a pit lane mechanic, Splash N. Gogh, married a Pattaya bar girl who of course became Go Gogh, and took her to the States. They've just finished a great touring holiday in an air-con Winnie Bay Gogh.

It's from e-mail: In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world IS weird and people take Prozac to make it seem normal.

BUT I DON'T GIVE A CLUCK!

Spirulina! Nature's Superfood?

A unique Chiangmai farm is producing one of the world's healthiest foods.

PIP

Down on the Farm

A natural product which began development in a Bangkok test tube in 1987 is now grown in 15,000 square meters of ponds near Sanpatong and exported all over the world.

David Hardy

LET'S SPEAK THAI No1:
Problems with the waitress? Say it in Thai

Samantha Burman

Happy Valentine's Day

We say it with flowers.

David Hardy

Chiangmai and the North

Expat Express

My Chiangmai

David Hardy

Reasons to Relax

Ric Klein

Nong Khai Commentary

Riverbank Stone

Financial Affairs

MANAGED CURRENCY ACCOUNTS

The Drinks Page

Night Fowl

Pool League 2003

Letters

MILKING THE MEDIA

Chinese zoo officials will visit Chiangmai's proposed site for the expensive air-conditioned quarters being prepared for a mating pair of giant pandas. (...).

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